When I was younger – in my 30's or 40's say – I had a real heartfelt need to win, at least occasionally. Whereas nowadays – in my late 60's – I tell people that I no longer care whether I win or lose – it's the experience of playing that motivates me.
That's what I tell people.
But at my last HandyCon (which I visited just for the Sunday) I played 5 games and lost every single one of them, in most cases not just lost but lost very badly. And I must confess that by the end of the day I was feeling a bit gloomy. Just one little win would have lifted my spirits. So perhaps I do care.
There is a tacit agreement we make when we sit down to play a multi-player boardgame – that we will all try to win. It can really mess up the experience if one player decides to act randomly just for the hell of it. I had an unpleasant experience along these lines – a few decades ago now but it still sticks in my mind. 5 or 6 of us had sat down to play Civilization, two of whom had never played the game before. As you know, playing Civilization is a substantial commitment – you're looking at 9 or 10 hours to complete it. Anyway, one of our number, let's call him "D", pretty quickly decided he did not like this game, and decided to pass the time beating up on his neighbour "S" (the other newbie), even though he knew this would ruin not only his chances of a win, but S's chances also. Well, the atmosphere around the table rapidly became pretty sour. D's random disruption spoiled the day for all of us. And as for S, we never saw him again.
Of course you can want to win too much as well as too little. I think this often lies behind behaviours that we commonly label Analysis Paralysis (AP). You want to win so intensely that you are prepared to spend as much time as it takes to optimize your turn, regardless of the boredom and frustration this inflicts on the other players. I experienced this just the other day at my local club – the culprit's turns were taking longer then the other three of us combined. This sort of thing is just as much a violation of the social contract as not tryig to win at all, and in my experience it is more common. I will certainly go out of my way to avoid this opponent in future.