Last Saturday driving over to Bristol with Phil to visit his brother Gavin at Bristol. Phil, who wants to be a lawyer, was chatting away, on a roll, when he came up with the idea of genetic assault, the idea that you can inflict harm on someone by passing on your genes to him. Says he wants to see it enshrined in English Law.

I now have a clear duty, for the good of my country, to do everything I can to stop my son going any further with his education.

I've already taken the first step, which was to buy Gavin's PS2 off him and install it at home. That should scupper Phil's A-level chances.....