Hi, I'm back from Nepal - where all the women are beautiful, and all the men are short!

What a stunning, amazing country. It was my first trip outside Europe so I was in a state of shock for the first week I was there. Just getting the hang of the place after two weeks, when I had to leave. Impossible to sum it all up, but here's a few English language adverts I saw, illustrating the sort of charmingly naive way that marketing is done over there.

Big hoarding seen everywhere: The new Kawasaki Croma - with disc brakes

Safe sex poster at roadsides all over Nepal shows a couple about to kiss, beside them stands a huge humanoid condom with its arms crossed and wearing a big grin.

Another helpful poster: A friend in hard times - Bagpiper whisky

On a bottle label in the minibar: Everest Whisky - blended from finest Scotch whisky and top quality Nepalese alcohol

Shop sign in Pokhara: Relaxing all-over massage - for ladis and gurls only

Sign over the Gurkha guesthouse, Birethanti: Hot and cold shower, 24 hours a day (I believed them - in the event there was no water at all, hot or cold.)

Grafitti (OK this one isn't marketing) on a wall in Kathmandu: Beware of bloody Islamic terrorism